ohwooo:

I grew up locked in a basement, suffering severe physical and emotional scarring when my brother set my parents on fire. From there, I shifted around among a series of mental institutions until I was grown, at which point I buried my brother alive. Twice. Since then, I’ve set a couple of people on fire and abducted various coworkers. Oh, and I once electrocuted a man’s testicles. Years ago, I had a girlfriend named Katie. But, let’s just say that didn’t turn out so well. My real father is a guy named Paul Bearer who I recently trapped in a meat locker. I’ve been married and divorced. Broke up my ex-wife’s wedding and tombstoned the priest. And for reasons never quite explained, I have an unhealthy obsession with torturing Pete Rose.

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    This was one of the greatest moments ever.
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