Hugo Schwyzer is going to kill a young woman one day
the only reason he doesn’t have a body count is sheer luck
I wonder, when there is a body count, when it’s not just trauma and serious injuries that he can plead down and handwave away and be out on bail for in a day, if the [white] feminists who have sheltered him will finally have anything to say.
Clementine Ford keeps going back to the fact I’ve been tweeting her “all week” (actually for about twenty - forty minutes at a time on 3 separate days) as another dodge tactic.
She feels I’ve been too aggressive & abusive in those tweets. That I’ve been harassing her.
The part she’s failing to mention is her reprehensible friendship with Hugo Schwyzer is the subject of my tweets to her and wanting her to be accountable for it.
Perhaps if Ford had not hopped into bed with Schwyzer to begin with - if she had demonstrated ethical integrity & strong politics in her alliances from the getgo - she would not find herself the subject of an angry whore’s “aggression”.
She’s been presenting my tweets to her - “WEV has been mean! Abusing me! Harassing me! Just another troll!” - decontexualised. My aggression is the result of a woman considered a leader in Australian feminism being friends with a known rapist & attempted murderer & refusing to be accountable for it.
When you seek to make yourself a prominent public figure with a reputation and prestige, your actions have consequences. Ford, your friendship with Hugo Schwyzer has made people angry, including me. People want an explanation and you are hedging on providing one. You have NEVER explained WHY you saw fit to befriend Schwyzer to begin with. I have been pushing you to provide one. YOU OWE IT TO THE WOMEN WHO BELIEVE IN YOU. And all the ones who don’t - all the women who were victimised at Schwyzer’s hands, all the women who have been thoroughly fucked over by the institution of white cis professional feminism that you are a part of and contribute to. YOU OWE US. Just as Jessica Valenti, Jessica Coen, Jill Filopovic and Amanda Marcotte owe us. YOU ARE PART OF THIS.
For fuck’s sake, YOU HELPED HIM GET WORK in women’s publications.
Pretending I’m unfairly harassing you is disingenuous at best…intentionally misleading at worst.
Be accountable for your complicity in Schwyzer’s continued abuse of women. Because that’s what it has been.
According to you, when you tell me to fuck off & refuse to answer that is just me “getting what I give out”.
You don’t consider your friendship with Schwyzer an act of hostility & betrayal sufficient enough to provoke people’s ire? Maybe you are also getting what you give out. Maintaining a friendship with a known abuser of women is some serious assholery. Am I supposed to be nice to you about it?
Which is another relevant point… why am I too mean for you to acknowledge or engage with… but Hugo Schwyzer was a totally great choice as a friend?
Was it just because you were never the target of his abuse and manipulation so you figured he was a nice enough guy?
Where do you get off dismissing my - a marginalised woman - valid questions about your dodgy fucking behaviour as mere “trolling”? What a wonderfully simple way of dismissing enquiry into your actions!
You utterly refuse to give me the time of day based on a case of mistaken identity which you cling to above all else as the ultimate proof of my unworthiness. But you knew about Schwyzer’s history (of raping, abusing and attempting to kill women) and still befriended him?
If I grovelled to you sufficiently would you give me the same kind of chance you did him?
Or do you only reserve that sort of beneficence for those who can advance your career?
[Screenshot of a tweet from Hugo Schwyzer that reads: “This whole #solidarityisforwhitewomen thing is an abusive cudgel to be used against a lot of people who are really working at inclusivity”]
For the love of the gods, just spontaneously combust already
…………what the fuck
So here’s how this whole Schwyzer nightmare went down, in case anyone is interested or doesn’t know:
- Affluent white male builds career on teaching and writing about feminism, racism, and sexism - subjects on which he has no credentials, professional or otherwise
- Affluent white males shapes career and online persona based on a “redemption narrative” and expects to get patted on the back for reforming into a male feminist after a past that includes sleeping with his students, trying to kill his ex-girlfriend, raping his ex-girlfriend and blaming her for it and other reprehensible acts that he attempts to excuse by disclosing his drug abuse and struggles with mental illness. (He also frames all of the stories he writes about these ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, etc. in extremely exploitative ways that make HIM and HIS OPINIONS and HIS FEELINGS the main character. How…feminist?)
- He actively attacked and tried to professionally ruin women of color who pointed out the racism in his work and the work of his colleagues. An enormous number of white feminists - including but not limited to Jessica Coen, Jill Fillopovic, and Amanda Marcotte - defended him. (Of course Amanda Marcotte defended him - he defended her racist book cover!) If you want to hear more about his racism (and if you’re still reading and unfamiliar, you should), you need to read the accounts by brownfemipower and redlightpolitics - both WOC who were personally targeted by Schwyzer. (And of course, a Google search will turn up more, which I also recommend.)
- Despite vocal objection from many parties - mainly women of color he attacked, smeared, and deliberately damaged professionally but also Slutwalk participants who were left queasy by his participation in the march wherein he called himself a “slut herder” - Schwyzer continued to be fawned over by an absurd number of prominent white “feminist” publications, including, most prominently, Jezebel. Nice work again, and as always, Ms. Coen.
- After making money by saying things as a white man that women - and let’s be real, mainly women of color - had been writing about for years while being ignored, Schwyzer got sick of being criticized for his horrible behavior and racist and sexist attitudes - once he was criticized by a bunch of white dudes. No I am not making this up.
- After “quitting the internet” he went on a massive Twitter rant that I will not link to, because it’s just the same self-aggrandizing look-at-me crap. Sure, he’s admitting he was a fraud, but he’s patting himself on the back for helping so many people with his fraudulence and excusing it with his mental illness. After an absurd number of tweets, he quit the internet again.
- Two days later, he gave an interview version of his self-aggrandizing Twitter bullshit on, you guessed it, the internet.
- Two days after THAT, he came back to Twitter to help Tim Wise with lashing out at Black Twitter for pointing out that white women often (read: almost always) help WOC to feel like Mighty Whiteys more than they help them in the name of “feminism”. (The #solidarityisforwhitewomen tag.)
It will never stop. He will never be finished attacking WOC. He will never stop being a racist and a horrible abusive human being. He will never stop grabbing the spotlight, and unfortunately because so many people in positions of power would rather listen to a horror story of a white man than hire a woman of color to write, he will never stop making money doing it.
tl;dr: He. Will. Never. Change. Don’t give him the attention. Don’t patronize his bullshit with your clicks.
Over the last few years Hugo Schwyzer has been trolling feminist spaces writing about feminist issues or his own personal experiences. More often than not writing articles that are manipulative, abusive and invasive to the other people in his life. Beyond his own writing on white feminists sites like xoJane, Jezebel and others, Hugo has become notorious for specifically searching out and harassing women of color that speak out about his behavior. While one would think that seeing him attack women of color who are visible online, there has been a backlash against those women who are critical of him from white feminists that want to continually give him the benefit of the doubt.
I’m not interested in going into the specifics about him and his behavior because this is to focus on the reaction from white feminists who want to excuse his actions as an abuser and what I would consider a sexual predator who has used his position of power as a tenured professor and male feminist blogger to harass women, primarily women of color, who speak out against him. Flavia Dzodan has written extensively about him, and has given permission for me to use her tweets / work (here and here) in this post.
(Tweets in order of being posted, so ignore the time stamps)
The racist narrative that Hugo sold to white feminism used women of color as scapegoats for his behavior instead of owning up to that behavior and his abuse of them has continued even as he has had a self defined manic break down on twitter this weekend. Viewing his twitter feed, that won’t be linked to because the dude really deserves no attention, you see him “apologizing” for his behavior while blaming his mental state as the reason for his abuse completely. What is even more alarming is that while he is having a breakdown for everyone to see he not only refused to quit talking when many people on twitter asked him to but he yet again named specific women of color, including Flavia, who he said he just wanted to “shut the fuck up.”
From this outburst not only were many women forced to make their accounts private but he recreated the same vicious racist attacks on the women he named, and others, who became targets for being critical of his pattern of abuse. Make no mistake; Hugo Schwyzer is an abusive manipulative predator. His continual need to focus rage on women of color and not on white women who have been just as critical shows that he is also racist. This also shows he knows where his supportive base is and the women he can get away with targeting
The reaction from white feminist sites and activists to continually let him have the benefit of the doubt while many voices spoke out against him shows the complete lack of care and humanity most white feminists give to women of color in feminist spaces. White feminists like Jessica Valenti and Amanda Marcotte have been unsurprisingly silent during the last few weeks (and forever) while Hugo quit the internet, but had an interview that only took 5 minutes to set up while he waited by the phone for attention, and now his very public break down. The same goes for every site that Hugo has written for, unless they want to capitalize on what is happening, but never to critique to condemn his actions.
The silence of the most influential white feminists while other white feminists are attacking and attempting to silence women of color who have spoken out against him continue to show how seeped in white supremacy feminism is. Mental disabilities are not an excuse for abuse and becoming reformed over your past indiscretions does not give you the ability to enter a space as a person with privilege when people do not want you there. The continual attacks on women of color over the past few years should have been enough to prove he doesn’t belong in feminism or be given any more chances at redemption.
White feminists have the obligation to create an intersectional approach to feminism that supports all women and identities, not just their own. This is the harm that is caused when white feminists do not account for and challenge their own racism and white supremacy.
We should be supporting Flavia Dzodan, Amadi of amaditalks, Sydette aka BlackAmazon (with a storify of her own thoughts) and other women of color who have been attacked online not only by Hugo but the white feminists who continue to support him.
I have stopped blogging, haven’t I? It wasn’t planned and it certainly doesn’t feel definite. Yet, I have a grand total of 5,678 unanswered emails. No hyperbole, this is the figure accumulated in all 4 of my mailboxes that I stopped checking a couple of months ago. In the past week I’ve gotten half dozen or more media requests about Hugo Schwyzer. Did I have something to say? What did I think about him quitting the internet? I wasn’t even aware he had quit until the emails started coming in. I had to google and trace back the footsteps of the writers who had been covering the on going debacle. I stared at the screen trying to muster some reaction other than “Oh, it has come to this”. And then, I started to frantically search for the apologies, the accountability, the mea culpas. I searched in vain because I am not interested in his apologies or his accountability (LOL as if there was going to be any to begin with). No, I wanted to find the apologies from every editor in a major publication that gave him a paid gig so that he could become the “Hugo Schwyzer brand” (LOL again, he called sexting and dick pics “off brand”). I wanted the media that celebrated all the page clicks his filthy faux feminism brought in to publicly acknowledge their role in creating the toxicity that enabled his rise to fame. I wanted Jezebel’s Editor in Chief, Jessica Coen, to acknowledge how she contributed to this disaster every time she banned commenters protesting his presence. I wanted her and his editors at The Atlantic and Jane Pratt from xoJane to look at us in the metaphorical eye, and say “I am sorry”. I was expecting some sort of ethical acknowledgement of the role that the media they manage played in his systematic abuse of any dissenters. Women like Blackamazon, like brownfemipower and countless others he systematically belittled and demonized deserved the public apology. The women, and it is no coincidence he systematically picked on Women of Color, whose lives he insulted and put down deserved this apology. Even I deserved better considering how he went through back channels to have me removed from blogs and publications where I contribute to because I dared criticize his posturing and tales of redemption.
I despise his ideology. This is no news to anyone. However, here’s where things get murky and difficult and not easy to express coherently (mostly because it is difficult to put into words the source of so much of my anger and disappointment): even more so than despising his ideology, I despise the culture that enabled him. I despise the TMZ of feminist media that “reports” our issues and sells us a lip gloss version of our politics and gives space to people like him so that he can shit on us and tell us how we should take it in the face while he puts Women of Color in “their (our) places”. This is how White Supremacy works and I am pointing all my fingers at Jezebel and xoJane and The Atlantic and every other publication that paid him to publish his repulsive opinions. The shame is on each of you and not merely on his cock shots or pathetic sexting. The shame is on every editor that thought selling women like Blackamazon or brownfemipower (or even my fucking self) for page clicks was a worthy trade off. Each and every one of those editors that knew what he was, how he acted and how his misogynist racism operated behind the scenes has played a part in this. And you get to “represent” feminism. You are the filters of who gets published and who doesn’t. You are the ones that hold the doors and set the agendas. The dick pics are also on you. You helped create the monster, now I hope you enjoy the money shot. And don’t say you weren’t warned. Countless others aside from myself had extensively documented his antics, his skeevy politics, his racism, his misogyny. But he brought the page clicks. At our fucking expense. Sisterhood! Yay!
Herein lies another problem with this toxic media environment that supposedly represents feminism: if you protest too loudly or not using the right platitudes or if you go after the gate keepers, you can forget to be included. You can forget mainstream gigs, book deals, mentions, promotion. You become “a loose cannon” (something he apparently called me for writing about him). You will never know this because other people won’t tell you in your face. They just stop talking about you or your work does not get promoted or you are confined to a very small niche, left to the “discontent bunch”. You are “difficult”. The fact that Hugo Schwyzer, white knight extraordinaire, defender of the likes of Amanda Marcotte against a “horde” of mean Women of Color was paid to write about feminist issues while someone like brownfemipower was confined to the category of “trouble maker” is testament of these dynamics at play. I insist, the media that paid him to write, plus every gig, speaking engagement, interview, authoritative quote, TV appearance he did on behalf of feminism is a slap on the face of every Woman of Color he belittled and worked against.
There is no justice in him leaving the internet (LOL as if, mark my words, he will be back and probably with a book deal). It would have been justice if those who make money under the banner of feminism had not given him a space to begin with. Justice is when we collectively acknowledge that someone’s ideas are not fit to represent our politics and we do not reward them with celebrity and promotion. It would have been justice if, instead of giving him a space, those publications would have hired Women of Color to amplify the voices he worked so hard to silence. Leaked dick pics and grimy sexts are not justice, they are just a sordid confirmation of what many of us already knew.
I stopped blogging a couple of months ago because I felt like a merchant of pain and death. I can only write about those topics that I know first hand and they almost always come with pain. I wrote about my own dead, the dead I carry on my shoulders. I always write about the pain that we experience on a daily basis and then, one day, I felt dirty. I felt that all this death and pain, in the culture we live in, is not honored but turned into a commercial affair. I felt I was selling my dead for the opportunity to become a “brand”. I never wanted to be a “personality”. I wanted to change the world. I wanted no other undocumented migrant to ever have to carry another dead on her shoulders. I wanted to make it better. Then I realized that we live in a culture that celebrates the smut brought to us by the likes of Hugo Schwyzer and my pain has no place in that culture. This feminism, these politics of the left that have been co-opted by the mere commercialization of our grief. “Take it up a notch! Drive the page clicks!”. Those of us who write and have bills to pay are forced to partake in this culture of death. Some of us delude ourselves thinking that one day we won’t have to write about the pain, we will be able to write about whatever we want because we are now a “recognizable brand”. We buy into the myth of bootstrapping our way up the media food chain so that we can become the gatekeepers and then “things will be different”. But they are not and the price becomes too high to pay. In my case, I felt the trade off was the memory of everything I hold dear and sacred: life and my loved ones. I couldn’t do it anymore, at least for a while. Now, I write this and realize that Hugo Schwyzer’s popularity is a direct cause of our pain. He got to be a protagonist in the history of feminist blogging, even celebrated by some; Women of Color get to fill the supporting role of killjoys and discontents. His leaving the internet (no matter for how long) is no justice for us because our lives, our pain and our dead are still not honored.
The best part about the whole Hugo Schwyzer faux-apologetic, for-real-manipulative-and-abusive meltdown, is the total radio silence from his white-lady enablers.
Jane Filipovic, Jessica Valenti, Sady Doyle — all vanished from the internet five hours ago. Spray-paint a red X on the ground, Mulder.
[ETA because I just had to:
and Filipovic, with a departure from the ignoring-it-entirely trend!!
But Jezebel and xojane are still pretending nothing is wrong:
Which cleanse diet, though? Which cleanse diet.
Every major feminist publication that published him or endorsed him - The Atlantic, XOJane, Jezebel, Feministe - has a responsibility to tell us why, even before this came to light, they were publishing an abusive man who tried to silence, intimidate and harassed abuse victims and women of color.
Oh, fff, that’s the problem.
You are dangerous to women! You try to take up space meant for women. You passive aggressively ‘like’ Tweets by abuse survivors to intimidate them. You tried to shut up women of color.
And you’re only apologetic about this after you’ve been disgraced? You didn’t apologize once while you were enjoying being THE male feminist, you enjoyed your microfame. You loved looking like a stud and you felt like you could only be that way if the women around you were silent spectators to your manliness.
tho I am nervous about how “the porn star” will be/has been positioned in this Schwyzer shitstorm.
Because whenever these “scandals” happen, we’re always set up in opposition to Other Women, co-conspirators with the sleazebag men even and always traitors, of course.
It’s always sex workers vs Other Women.
And if not that, then the use of our services is used to further illustrate how misogynistic and vile the man in question must be, how depraved and disgusting as to participate in the sexual slavery of desperate women with low self-esteem and surely tragic pasts. The minimisation of our labour continues and our autonomy is, as always, denied.
I feel like, already, that there’s a porn star involved has been getting used to further emphasise how evil Schwyzer is. Only the worst men interact with porn stars. Nevermind the humanity of those women, they serve merely a symbolic role in these situations.
Unless something else happened that I didn’t hear about, the woman in question is a cam girl, not a porn star. If you’re wondering how she feels about it:http://legalizetoprotect.blogspot.com/2013/08/check-your-references-ladies-re-hugo.html
Thanks for the clarification re the type of sex work she does; I’d read it was porn and hadn’t quite had the heart to do further research yet this morning. I’ll correct my original post.
Thanks also for pointing us to where she spoke about it herself, it was good to read her opinion and perspective AND especially to find out how exactly this information got out in the first place, in a highly unethical and grotesque way (note for those who don’t click: her abusive ex boyfriend stole her phone, capped the texts and outed her online. Reprehensible in every way). Is Christina’s abusive ex and the man Schwyzer said drove him from twitter one and the same? The most I’d heard about this when it all went down first (due to self-imposed hiatus) was a friend messaging me to say Schwyzer had quit the internet. The other stuff I’ve been learning since his “suicide attempt”.
My thoughts and feelings around Schwyzer being “bullied” and made fun of are wildly divergent to Christina’s… I cannot on any level get on board that with her. Frankly, I am sick of men like Schwyzer manipulating other people’s politics and experiences of mental illness to curry sympathy for themselves and weasel their way out of wrong doing. I actually don’t give a fuck about men - however severe their mental illness may be - who so transparently have learned to use that mental illness (or imitated mental illness) to further abuse and fuck over others, especially women. I have no pity or empathy for him and I have been suicidal, attempted suicide, have had a nervous breakdown, and plenty of prolonged periods of intense mental health problems, as well as am surrounded by friends dealing with serious mental health issues and challenges to their mental health. I have also seen white bro after white bro use the crutch of mental illness to enact appalling behaviour in political communities and I’m over it. My sympathy and empathy are now reserved predominantly for women, who rarely get the kind of support Schwyzer does. No qualms here about picking on Schwyzer and my opinion about his suicide attempt remains unfaltered.
- We know that Hugo Schwyzer is an abusive and manipulative asshole. We know that abusers frequently seek out targets who are survivors of abuse. We know that the woman he had an affair with has an abusive ex partner. Are we really surprised that he went after her?….And the fact that the sexts were consensual, but unconsensually published on a site that is entirely about male entitlement to sex workers and that puts sex workers in danger is abhorrent. Let’s talk about how those texts were leverage over a woman who tried (and withdrew) a police report over the abuse.
- Nobody who has been paying attention to Schwyzer thinks that an affair is off brand. But as many have pointed out, who helped him build that brand? And are we really surprised that he has given three goodbye statements and that he’s controlling the narrative of his demise? HE IS STILL CONTROLLING HIS BAND VERY EFFECTIVELY. He’s not gone, he’ll be back, more “reformed” than ever.
- I also hate that the conversation has become about mental illness and sexuality. I don’t care if he has an affair. I don’t care is he’s struggling with mental illness. I do care that many professional feminists have made a cozy and profitable place in feminism for an abusive, creepy asshat. I also hate that someone who fantasises about his students so publicly and awfully is still teaching.
His mental illness and his sexuality are not the reasons that I hate him making a career out of feminism.
- My last online interaction with the man was when he was defending #femfuture from criticism. I kind of wondered why #femfuture were letting him front for the movement.
Like, if I had a birthday party, and some guests wanted to criticise how I decided to host my birthday party, and Hugo Schwyzer started defending me? I’d be like “Fuck off Schwyzy, I want to hear from the people I actually invited” instead of letting him attack the people that I wanted to represent.
- Oh yeah. And after saying that he’d stay away from feminist publications, we let him write for local women’s interest column, The Daily Life. All the way over here in Melbourne, Australia.
And this is why I WILL NOT trust Clementine Ford* and why I think (well, one of many reasons why…) she is a lying, deceitful, basic, hypocritical asswipe interested only in her own glory and a feminism that never gets beyond the 101 stage.
SHE IS FRIENDS WITH HUGO SCHWYZER. The two are cozy as kittens. She is Melbourne-based and well connected and I see her hand at work in his Daily Life gigs clear as day.
Fordie has been jumping on the bandwagon lately, writing about why we should all care about sex workers (in a really asinine, basic way). Well, sex workers, before you all get excited about a prominent ally on side, SHE IS FRIENDS WITH HUGO SCHYWZER.
And she has never responded to queries about why.
Fordie is considered a prominent and respectable voice in Australian feminism and she is everything the feminism that has continued to support and accommodate Schwyzer is - white, middle-upper class, cis and straight - and never challenging the status quo in any serious way.
I do NOT want the sex worker rights movement looking the other way on her dodgy as fuck allyship with Schwyzer just because she wrote some nice supportive words of us one or two times. It is unethical and will put us on the same slippery slope that feminism’s embrace of Schwyzer did.
* NOTE: Clementine Ford is NOT the same person as Clementine (Clem) Bastow. They are both Australian feminist journalists so there is some confusion at times. Fordie is “the evil Clem” as we (I) call her.
Just found out that Hugo S. “quit” the internet because everybody yelled at him too much—oh, and he got caught sending pictures of himself masturbating and sexting even after he claimed to be in a monogamous relationship and “recovering” etc etc etc. This is the same man who white feminists chose to accept into their circles even as they were sure to exclude me, brownfemipower and black amazon. This is the same man who got book deals and paid gigs all over the feminist blogosphere, while the mostly woman of color feminists like Flavia Dzodan who challenged him lost gigs for being a “trouble maker.”
This is what feminism supports. This is the institution of feminism basis it’s growth and movement on. This is the road all the feminist academics who are now jocking each other to get into the best blogging position are walking down. That there is more room in feminism for a man who attempted to kill his girlfriend, has continuous affairs, fucks his students, has had four wives (some of who he has admitted abuse towards), and displays a constant belittling, negative, abusive and demeaning attitude towards women of color than there is for WOMEN of color speaks to everything that is wrong with feminism. Hugo S is feminism’s problem. He is a problem created, nurtured and grown by feminism. As Courtney Desiree Morris says—it’s too bad that bastard scum ISN’T being paid by the FBI, cuz what he’s done is just as destructive to “the movement” as any informant.
i think it’s important to ask WHY hugo says he’s leaving because of the tweet of a white guy—after years and YEARS of women of color challenging him.
white women are now all outraged that “he’s leaving cuz of a MAN when *WE’RE* the ones who..”
NO—women of color were the ones who.
and he didn’t leave after all this time that women of color have been challenging him because he KNOWS that women of color are not considered a legitimate threat. he KNOWS that white *F*eminists studiously work to ignore women of color. he KNOWS that unwritten code language that we’re all loud mouth trouble makers and so he doesn’t HAVE to even legitimize what a woman of color says by addressing them (YOU BETTER PROVE IT).
but when a white man says something…THAT is when he knows he’s on shaky ground.
you need only look to all the fucking MEDIA COVERAGE of him (sweet jesus, there’s MEDIA COVERAGE) to see how they report his story “starting” when hugo says it starts and that is firmly at the space of a white man challenging him—then it morphs into people “bullying” him because “he’s a man who writes about feminism.”
not one report challenges him, not one report wonders if maybe there’s something more—hugo gets to write his own fucking narrative.
something the nebulous “women of color” never seem to have gotten.
In Hugo’s sexts, he imagines that his students “finger themselves.”
This is the man feminists have protected, nurtured, given writing gigs to and said nothing while he demeaned, abused, ostracized, excluded and mocked women of color.
Am I supposed to believe Hugo is talking about his male students “fingering themselves”?
This is a discussion of many things, most of ‘em triggering.
I have been taught in dribbles and drabs in things large and small, in cut off silences, in panicked isolation, in public dressing-downs, that it is bad to focus on the good things.
I have been spoon-fed with fairy tales, and shushed “be quiets”, and intrusive hands, that being chosen is the greatest gift.
I have been assured in side-eyes and backroom messages, and paralyzing half-done fear, that it is my fault.
And I have learned in battle royales, quiet prayers, maternal breakdowns and cyber warfare, that this MUST be unlearned.
Hugo Schwyzer was every leering professor, every condescending “professional”, every person who says “I hope you get raped and nobody believes you.”
And as long as it was happening to me?
It was A-OK because that’s what we are for.
So what is feminism then, but the place that gives him succor and comfort?
Why is every white woman falling over themselves to ask about his mental health and well-being and how he handles ableism but every nurse who heard me screaming did nothing?
Every caseworker who watched my mom tremble and said it was 10 dollars too much?
It becomes a habit to notice who forgets you are born when life is like this.
When hundreds of people wish you happiness to notice the one who doesn’t who you hoped for.
Because it becomes proof you’re not good enough.
The story of epic flounce will never be the flouncing, his suicide attempt, or his mental health.
I truly do not care.
And as many people point and tut-tut at how this makes me horrible, all I can say is,
"You were looking for me to be horrible, your finding it is of no real surprise."
Because before it became popular, I remember G-chat windows, and coffee and I remember even stronger of days-long correspondence of triggered women being told,
"He’s a male feminist!! We can’t lose him!"
For something as trivial as you.
It’s easy to second guess yourself.
To believe you are inconsequential that it’s you.
Until you see your name and his are linked and it comes up maybe third in a Google search.
To know he sees that.
Tell no one you are weak enough to vomit when you realize it.
He/Them/They will never bother you as much as what you think about yourself because of it.
Of how even when you are bleeding or triumphing, you wonder how they think of the strange silence that happens when it changes form defending “women/black women/you”.
You will think everything of reports that happen after.
Of the women and girls whose tangible, real life “important” problems happened after you started screaming and pointing,
Of who could have been helped, who would have intervened
If you had been important enough for someone to care that he was practicing on you, had practiced on someone else, up and down the time line.
If two days after your birthday, you are angry and horrified and sad if his face melds with other faces who watched you burn and struggle in so many ways.
If you can barely get it out because,
"You’ll make some man happy someday"
Is in your ears and on your skin
And the thought of HOW that could happen locks you in your house.
You are thankful it’s measured in days now, not years or months or weeks.
You love your editor a lot more.
When she says they changed it and it’s wrong,
That they “fixed your grammar” and played with your voice,
That it occurred to her to care.
That when you reject it, half-way between work, planning, organizing devising…
You had to keep reminding yourself to occur to YOU that you didn’t need fixing.
That you made the voice broken unsure and skipped because
When you laid curling irons on your wrists, you didn’t speak proper English
The girl who reads this after should know that’s not a reason to harm MORE of her pretty brown skin.
When someone you admire tells one of the nurses at the door happy birthday,
Tomorrow, you swear, tomorrow, you’ll leave the house.
Hugo Schwyzer has written yet another post about his attempted murder of his ex-girlfriend on his blog.
It’s the work of a narcissist and a man who refuses to accept that he’s to blame for what he’s done.
I’m not sure how revealing personal information about your victim is accountability - I’m sure people with rudimentary Googling skills could figure out the “prominent politician’s daughter” part. The entire blog post is lurid, and Hugo, in his attempt to use women as a hair shirt again, ends up blaming them, subtly, for mixed signals.
He mentions how careless they were that night, with the implication that he just sort of got confused and didn’t realize that his ex-girlfriend wasn’t suicidal! After all, she was just being so risky, dear readers, how could he know? She had attempted suicide before! He thought he was doing her a favor, really!
Throughout the entire piece, Hugo strokes his own ego. How attractive of a man he is - how eighteen year old students loved him, how beautiful his victim was, how great the sex was.
How women hurt him - his shame spiral was the result of the eighteen year old breaking up with him, instead of it being his own fault.
How women are so scary to him, especially when defending their personal boundaries and spaces has been the entire theme of his Goodbye Term. How feminist women have no right to bring up his past, how unfair it is for them to mention he’s an attempted murderer and serial rapist in otherwise innocuous interviews. How we shouldn’t be able to organize online against him.
I am genuinely sorry that Hugo’s mental health has deteriorated. However, it is emotional abuse for him to lay the blame on women, to say that his suicidal urges are the fault of women protecting themselves from an abuser.
Hugo Schwyzer’s entire “Goodbye Tour” is meant to garner sympathy even as he admits to cheating on his wife. It’s meant to tell his critics that we were being too MEAN and WE drove him to this.
If we weren’t so mean, he wouldn’t hurt women the way he does - he says.
If women as a group weren’t so cruel to him, then he as a man wouldn’t hurt individual women, he says.
Hugo Schwyzer is an unrepentant abuser who makes a living pretending to repent.