“For these women, much of the “work” resided in the preparation, packaging, and grueling nightly display of the body that sells itself (rather than in specifically sexual labor, per se).” —

Temporarily Yours: Intimacy, Authenticity, and the Commerce of Sex by Elizabeth Bernstein

Scheduling the calls and getting ready for them is indeed much harder than the actual appointments themselves for me, too.

(via marginalutilite)

I remember wanting to slack off on shaving my legs and Caty being like, ”That’s part of the job and they’ll complain if you don’t. Go shave your damn legs!” or something to that effect.

But yeah, I can agree that the personal upkeep and just trying to get the jobs being the most tiresome part of sex work. You can be the most eager ho but if that phone isn’t ringing or you get too many cancelations, that’s when you’re really fucked, ya know?

(via underthehost)

i feel pretty lucky in that I don’t think strippers have to do as much upkeep.  it’s like the fact that someone decided to allow us onstage does half the work for us so far as making men think we must be desirable and beautiful; i barely shave anymore and I’ve only had one complaint in the past two years.  but I do go out of my way to conform in other ways, bc you know, attractiveness point system.  

(via clarawebbwillcutoffyourhead)

I feel like strippers have to be more heteronormatively attractive to start with, though? All the strippers I’ve known seem to confirm that. I know I couldn’t make it dancing myself except maybe at a very low-end club. Also, don’t you guys have to fuck more with costumes and make up and such since there isn’t as much as a tactile element and it’s all visual?

i have no comment beyond agreeing and omg fuck because i shave my pubes rather than wax cos im a pissbaby and my skin doesnt cope with shaving and waawaa etc. plus my wig ffs. also curious abt stripping

(via unorthodoxhesychasm)

I shave rather than wax as well! And it’s not even a close shave b/c I don’t shave against the hair growth, b/c of my dread of ingrown hairs. Have never waxed, have an even greater fear of that prospect.

(via marginalutilite)

Oh I work in a high-end US strip club so I have to shave every single night—pubes, legs, thighs, armpits, happy-trail, plus whatever other random plucking/bleaching on the face & body (i’m pretty hairy lol), most US strippers do lapdances so nah it’s not mainly visual we almost all have physical contact w/ our customers (except in Washington DC, where lapdances are still illegal I think?). If I go one day without shaving I’m noticebly stubbly (also i’m not white, so my hair isn’t fine or light). Plus we get obnoxious groups of drunk people picking us apart while we’re on stage or doing table-dances, so there’s a lot of pressure to be as flawless as possible so customers don’t sit around bonding over how gross we look & actually buy dances from us.

It takes me around an hour and a half to primp for work (showering, shaving, hair, makeup) & it only takes so little time cuz i’ve been doing this a long time AND I have short hair & don’t wash it right before work. If I had to do anything more to my hair than just run a flat-iron through it that would bump my pre-shift primping time up to 2 hours a day :/

(via undressedanthology)

Oh, yeah, as ignorant as I am about stripping, I am aware that grinding/ lap jobs is/are the norm—I’m just saying it’s MORE visual and less tactile than full service work, you know? Your description of your prepping sounds more like what I’d thought was the case than Tilz’s account (Tilz, why do you think you have to do less upkeep than escorts do? Can you describe your maintenance routine?) I’d thought strippers had to invest in higher femme/higher maintenance appearance upkeep than I do. Getting ready for me takes about 45 minutes to an hour, though I try to leave myself two hours for it. Then, once I get ready once I can refresh between calls in a hotel room with a shower within 15-30 minutes. But the planning and clothes buying and the calculation going into all that drag makes it feel like more work than it is, you know?

(via marginalutilite)

er… why is the term ‘high femme’ being bandied about in this conversation as though it is interchangeable with heteronormative standards of feminine presentation? we really need to cease cavalierly using terms like femme and their varying subcategories when referring to gendered presentation outside of queer community. Expressions of femininity, even WITHIN queer spaces, should not automatically be ascribed a state of femme. Doing so has implications in all sorts of ways (obvious ones wrt race and trans status, for a start) and is misleading to non queers who think the term is then theirs to appropriate. Even high maintenance conventional femininity should not be presented as though interchangeable with high femme. It isn’t. Femme is a queer identity, for queers, and it is one that is self-identified.

my jaw is also pretty much on the floor at the idea there are lower presentation standards in stripping so you don’t need to shave (not to mention such blanket statements disregard the incredible breadth of heirarchy in strip joints! see the other worker who talked about the expectations placed on her in a high end club) when stripping is, next to porn, the most looksist area of the sex industry so it’s basically a certainty that if you can get away with no shaving you’re otherwise a good 8-10 on any PUG’s beauty scale. 

Even in places that accept less conventionally attractive women, expectations of presentation will differ depending on individual ‘attractiveness’ to heteronormative standards. Consider the lines of intersectionality that come into play here. Just because you can get away with not shaving doesn’t mean management won’t have a quiet word in that fat, heavily tattooed stripper’s ear. Not to mention the shit she could get from customer’s because the more you fall outside conventional attractiveness, the more people dehumanise you. You know?

(via everythingbutharleyquinn)



a combination of individualist queers skimming over the class politics of stone butch blues and the homophobia and transphobia of the straight left means that stone butch blues isn’t widely recognised as a book which is at least 50% about class and labour and unionism and feinberg’s experiences as a factory worker

I mean for god’s sake feinberg’s tumblr header is “leslie feinberg is a communist!”

but it’s super convenient for straight leftists to mentally categorise it as “identity politics” and strike it off the reading list in favour of more althusser or whatever

and it’s super convenient for young university queers to forget the class politics of the backlash against (traditionally working-class) butch-femme dynamics — it was a lot to do with university-educated lesbian feminists looking askance at the ~unenlightened~ lesbian plebs

plus gender presentation in stone butch blues is not considered in a simple or individualist way, it’s shown as deeply personal and sincerely felt but also as tied to professional requirements and one’s place in the world — like, a lot of butches in the book end up doing factory work, a lot of the femmes do sex work, a lot of people’s gender presentation is really tied to what they’re looking for in a partner, etc

it’s not a perfect book but I think it deserves a more careful and thoughtful reading and a wider readership than it tends to get

important commentary.

re bolded - a lot of that still happens. 

I think these days it’s also taking a slightly different turn in the idea all butch and femme - but ESPECIALLY femme - MUST be absolutely performative, conscious, aware, calculated - even slightly ironic. otherwise you’re just a suckered-in slave to the patriarchy. 



a valuable lesson that was learned at creating change from other bois is that even when masculine of center folks are supporting each other in unpacking misogyny and femmephobia, we are often still unpacking that on the bodies of femme folks. we need to remember that - how much more vulnerable femmes are than bois who are unpacking.

omg thank you for this! like you dont even understand how much thank you and how relevant to the things Ive been talking about and going through lately. and ppl unpacking their issues across the board period so often falls on the bodies of femmes particularly dark femmes of colors bodies.


Femmephobia is a facet of misogyny that occurs specifically against femme-identified women in queer communities.

It is not a general hatred/disdain of femininity or of straight women who present in feminine ways. that’s misogyny.




white cis women who ID as femme:

please remember that femmes of color and trans folk cannot take being seen as feminine for granted the way you can

please remember that




please remember that

Please, please, please, stop bickering over who has more right to call themselves ‘femme’ or ‘butch’ or ‘queer’ or ‘straight’ or ‘aardvark’! I’m not taking anyone’s femme-ness away by calling myself a femme. (I don’t actually call myself that, but I’d like to have the right to, without being drawn into an identity war.) 

aww look at you missing the point

that’s cute

all this post asked was for you to be mindful of certain perceptions and how that affects people different from you who also ID as femme

nobody said you’re not allowed to call yourself anything


god forbid someone ask you to be reflective


white cis women who ID as femme:

please remember that femmes of color and trans folk cannot take being seen as feminine for granted the way you can

please remember that




please remember that



- Virgie Tovar

“Dating a submissive femme” is the best part!

[The Dyke Lables]









mmmmm, a beautiful ocean of white, thin, cis-centric, reductionist, cliche, safe blandness, I feel like puking aaaaaallll up in it.

whoever made this should feel bad. Very bad.



Men who wear makeup: Radical! Hard femme! Totally progressive and hot!

Women who wear makeup: Hypocritical patriarchal handmaidens!

My pet peeve of the moment! The unrestrained salivating over hard femme/femme men going on in queer community is really full on at the moment; women have never received adulation and admiration for being femme and it’s NOT because ‘femme’ would superficially fall in line with ‘patriarchal standards of femininity’ as some will hasten to argue because women have never received adulation and admiration for being butch or andro or just themselves in any permutation- though if a FAAB person is genderqueer or transmasculine, or if a trans man does some fashionisting THEN their masculinity becomes a cause for celebration and exaltation. Women’s fashion statements and stylistic experimentations are only lauded by other women wheras anything men do in this regard is seen as risque! Daring! Sexy! Interesting! Original! by absolutely everyone and everything.

Tired of seeing men with beards and drag makeup get 50000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 notes about how beautiful and special and sexy and unique they are while women still get dissed for being attention whores and grossly narcissistic.



straight women identifying as femme is a form of erasing queer history. 

sorry you’re being homophobic. 

Anyone but lesbians identifying as femme is a form of erasing queer history. Bisexual or pansexual women do not need to identify as femme. It is already a cultural expectation that they will present themselves femininely. There is no crisis of feminine bisexual visibility. It’s appropriation of lesbian culture, and a ridiculous one at that.



“La Reina Del Salon” – Juanmi Márquez Photography