do you go into a restaurant and tell the chef you won’t pay for the food they prepare because it’s too expensive?
do you complain to a designer when you’re looking for clothing because they charge too much?
no. you don’t.
complaining to sex workers about the prices they set is useless and frankly, silly. you’re paying for a service. they’ve set a price for said service and if you don’t want to pay it, you don’t have to. what is so difficult about this concept?
the reason they do it is because they know we are often in difficult financial situations and only make money when we work, that we are under pressure much of the time and the prospect of making some money is better than none at all. they are taking advantage of our marginalized positions in the world and that our work is not recognized as legitimate. :(
catsuitmonarchy on violence against sex workers in Game of Thrones at Tits and Sass today
The casual violence against sex workers is one of the many reasons I’m finding myself with less fucks to give about this series the more it progresses.
the other week I made a note saying all reports indicated S4 wasn’t worth my time and someone was like huhwot it’s the BEST season and I never replied to clarify but, well, I guess when you’re a hooker all that titillating murder looks a little different.
some helpful reminders about sex workers ♥
If sex workers aren’t selling their bodies, what are they selling?
their time, the sexual experience that they’re having/creating, and the products that they create.
Do these guys go to the movies and then try to walk out with the seat and film reel tucked under their arm? You pay the fee for entertainment, but you haven’t bought the theater itself.
If you think sex workers sell their bodies then by that flawed logic you have a right to fuck your dentist or mechanic or anyone who provides any service ever.
It’s so “cute” when girls say “Well if all else fails, I’ll just strip/escort/do porn, teehee!”
Yeah. Go ahead, give it a shot. There isn’t a door with a flashing neon sign “Adult industry” where they hand out 100k at the entrance. It’s work.” —
Since the law against buying sex was introduced in 2009, the 1520 sex-customers have been fined by police, according to figures from the Police Directorate.
During the same period, over 400 apartments in Oslo where prostitutes live and sell sex have been closed after the landlord has been threatened with prosecution as a pimp. Thus, sex workers are put out on the street […]” —
So if you’re one of these whorephobic fauxminists who pretends to believe that the Nordic model won’t hurt sex workers (cos its not like we need jobs hey?) you have NO excuse to say this shit. You’re gonna have to admit that you fucking hate us and want us to be homeless and get raped and murdered.
Right. I’ve fucking had it with cheap men who want to fuck with sex workers.
This is the guy who I saw about a week ago or so, and I had such a good time with him. We’d been texting and I was in London last weekend so we were gonna meet up but it was too difficult in the end, so we decided to leave it for another time. He asks me when I’ll be in London again so I told him I’m heading back to my city on Wednesday morning for my sister’s birthday, so I can pass through London on Tuesday night. Then after agreeing on the date, he never asked how much, so I asked him how much he intends on paying me. And he doesn’t reply at all, so I was like are you offended that I asked so bluntly or what? He sends me a text full of bullshit (first picture) about how he was hoping to develop something ‘mutually beneficial’ - I mean what the fuck does that even mean? Because from my understanding, mutually beneficial means both parties benefit; and in my world, that means I fuck you and you pay me.
So I straight up tell him how much it’s going to cost him - I even knocked the price down because he was paying for the hotel and dinner. Then of course, as they always do, he’s silent again when I start to talk about money. I had to text him again today, saying he needs to tell me now whether or not he wants to go ahead with Tuesday because I have fucking plans to make. And of course he respectfully declines.
I just don’t get it. I mean, wasn’t I a prostitute when we first met? Didn’t you pay me that one time we had sex? So why on this horrible earth, would I then agree to sleep with you for free? I mean of course I want to keep the ‘element of business’ because he’s my fucking client. I just don’t understand why or how he came to that conclusion in his head.
Here is a note to any men that read this who have any intentions of getting with any type of sex worker, and to all general cheap ass motherfucking fuckers:
Sex workers are workers - respect our jobs as sources of income. You don’t walk into hair salons and ask the hairdressers to do your shit for free, simply because it’s a selfish bargain to propose as you’re causing a loss of earnings for a hard-working person, just so that you don’t have to spend as much money. It is insulting as fuck, when you so much as suggest that we offer our services for less or for free.
As much as you may think sex is a basic need, sex workers offer a luxury service. ALL sex workers offer a LUXURY service. it is a luxury and there’s no two ways about that. If you can’t afford it then find another hobby. The fact that you’re a man and you get blue balls and your wife isn’t DTF means squat fuck. Escorts, street-based sex workers, strippers, cam girls, sugar babies, the whole lot - everything we’re offering is a luxury. You don’t walk into a Gucci store with an empty wallet and an overdrawn bank account expecting anyone to give you a break. Yes, maybe at one of those public food stalls where they ask for any donation in exchange for food/tea/coffee; maybe, they would give you a break and not charge you any money, especially if they felt you really needed the food.
Despite what people may say - sex workers aren’t here to make your lives better. We’re not here to rescue you from your broken marriage; we’re not here to groom your male entitlement; and we are not here to be that hopelessly-romantic love interest that you’ve so dreamed of.
We are here to offer a service, and to therefore earn money - that is our sole purpose in this job. Don’t get me wrong - I always am genuine and go the extra mile for my clients and offer more than just a service, but rather an experience - but only for the clients that respect me and don’t try to fuck with my money.
So for the last time: broke bitches, FALL BACK.
Reblogging because some new girls in this industry need to read this as well.
Hell yes, especially to the bolded part
Nothing but truth….especially the bolded part!!!
So true! You said it perfectly
Wow tumblr, hooker niches and idolized cereal killers… What’s next?
Sex trade is absolutely disgusting. You should all be ashamed.
The point you’re making is valid in this post, but you’re still grotesque. The sale of flesh is slavery, your own or another’s. You are not ‘sex workers.’ You’re sluts. Don’t even give me this equality and morality bullshit, I could honestly care less. This world is filled beyond capacity with liars, whores, and politicians.
Hmmm I have no life skills besides shaking my ass and being able to deep throat a complete stranger who could have any commutable disease on the face of this planet, for a few hundred dollars?
I had a conversation with a girl who was drugged with a fucking chloroform rag and brought to a hotel completely unconscious. She woke up 13 hours later naked, cold, and sore with no idea who or what had been done to her.
She continued on with life without so much as a doctors visit. She proceeded to sleep with guys (for free - you know, to maintain that illusion that someone wanted her for something other than her recycled and overused body).
So ignorant. So disgusting. And she continued to do it after that happened, her rationale being ‘minimum wage isn’t enough and I don’t feel like going back to school’.
Whores. All of you. There’s a fucking internet niche for prostitutes who think they deserve rights while breaking both law and moral code? Ahahaha
Personally, I could care less if every prostitute on the face of this planet was wiped out. Good fucking riddance.
And the ignorance, too. If I’m walking home from a bar drunk and blunted at 2am, why the fuck are you getting in my way and asking me if I’m interested in ‘a little fun’. Because sticking your dick in a disease ridden whore that’s been riding the dick train all goddamn night is definitely my idea of ‘a little fun’… Ahaha - pleeeeeease.
All I heard was “I’m a sad lonely man who’s has serious trouble getting laid and so my pent up sexual frustration translates into misogyny. I have nothing better to do with my sad worthless time than attack the gender that hates me so much.”
Was there anything else you wanted to say, typical man?
Honey, I think you should educate yourself before trying it out with other people.
Again I say, dont judge sex workers until you’ve walked a mile in our heels.
this guy thinks sex work is awful and doesn’t respect sex workers yet he happily has lingerie/porn photos of women reblogged on his blog. Like, dude, come the fuck on
90% of strippers have that same mentality. Many ‘if only…’s
In my personal opinion, living in their house and leading a double life, I feel is disrespectful. It is very, very common, many girls live at home (or not) and tell family they are bar tenders etc. Living on your own and doing as you please without families knowledge, is perhaps more acceptable, as apposed to lying right under someones nose. I understand how tough and scary it can be admitting that you are part of something considered so taboo, but I told my family, seemingly believing that i’d be disowned, and I was very pleasantly surprised.
Stripping is in the adult industries, and therefor should be approached as such, as an adult, with maturity and strength. With that comes honesty and ownership of your choices. Those who have followed me a while know that I don’t offer advice to help anyone ‘hide’, it is toxic and life is short.
This job isn’t for the faint of heart, so do consider that when going forward.
If more people told their families they would realise that only bad people would disown you for it without trying to understand, and you don’t disown people you love.
I’d like to agree, and maybe this is a cultural difference, but I know for a fact most of my family would disown me. My cousin was a stripper for a while and they draaaaaagged her name through the mud. Her parents are conservative Muslims and my parents are conservative Catholics. I literally cannot afford to get completely cut off and disowned.
And as much as I’d like to say “fuck it” it’s difficult for many reasons.
Exactly. The original post is so completely ignorant of this fact. Also the fact that coming out as a sex worker can actually get someone killed. So those of us who are not out are somehow not real SWs? Please. I hide what I do from my family and most of my friends and y’know what? I don’t feel guilty at all, not one bit and why should I? I would be disowned, and it would cause more damage to them -especially my mother who suffers from mental illness - than it would be worth for some lofty bullshit ideal of being true to yourself or whatever. Tbh the whole post is highly insensitive because having worked in the adult industry for 6 years including stripping I would say the vast majority of girls are in the closet - often for their own safety and peace of mind. We already get told by society how worthless & disgusting we are, we don’t need our colleagues telling us how amoral and dishonest we are for safeguarding ourselves on top of everything else. While I respect the bravery of SWs who do make the decision to come out, we should not under any circumstances belittle those who hide what they do.
omfg, some bitches will grasp at any straw to convince themselves they’re better than the rest of us low-down dirty whores. Spoiler alert: you’re not. And looking down on the thousands upon thousands of workers who are in the closet due to NECESSITY will never, ever make you better than us. Sort your internalised whorephobia and recognise that’s what’s at the heart of this desperate need to position yourselves at the top of the imaginary whore heirarchy. Until then, shut the fuck up.
[trigger warning: sexual assault]The fallout from George Will’s silly, under-researched column on sexual assault on university campuses can at least be credited with inspiring some entertainingly clueless commentary. Exhibit A: the thoughts of a George Mason law professor named David Bernstein, published by no less than the Washington Post.
this is awful on so many different levels, not the least of which is that it completely erases the fact that SEX WORKERS CAN BE RAPED
The UK’s biggest ever investigation of sex trafficking failed to find a single person who had forced anybody into prostitution in spite of hundreds of raids on sex workers in a six-month campaign by government departments, specialist agencies and every police force in the country.
The failure has been disclosed by a Guardian investigation which also suggests that the scale of and nature of sex trafficking into the UK has been exaggerated by politicians and media.
this keeps me warm at night
File under “Pleasant Surprises in the Local Media”. In this week’s Guardian Express, and in major contrast to the disgusting whorephobic and sensationalist reporting in the “other” community newspaper.
don’t you just love it when GRRM says stuff like
The Shae in the books is a manipulative camp-follower prostitute who doesn’t give a shit about Tyrion any more than she would any other john, but she’s very compliant, like a little teenage sex kitten, feeding all his fantasies; she’s really just in it for the money and the status.
George R. R. Martin is a misogynist. His hyper-sexualized, dehumanized sentiments towards sex workers, including Shae, proves this.
I think it just proves how giving someone a shit load of money can bring out their true colours I hope people now understand that grrm never gave a shit about women and all his talk about feminism being important to him was just another way of luring in a vulnerable and misunderstood demographic for his own financial gain.
This is something that was inspired by the diatribe of bullshit I have dealt with from non sex worker feminists as of late. To be honest, I have all but given up on feminism. Feminism doesn’t want me or people like me, people who refuse to allow them to appropriate our realities in support of their own ideology. Although I am very close to discarding this identity label altogether, I am hoping that at some point feminists are going to get their shit together about sex work and stop deliberately pushing us out when we won’t play by their rules. That is why I wrote this little ten point list. This is by no means comprehensive but hopefully it is a starting point for a true pro sex worker feminism, with space for us in it.
Identify yourself as a non sex-worker
This is such a common tactic of feminists who want to silence sex workers, but in addition to silencing us, it forces us to identify ourselves which puts us directly in harm’s way – just for wanting to make our voices heard in supposedly feminist spaces. What the women who do this fail to realize is that we are risking our relationships, our jobs (particularly if we are studying or work a second non-sex worker job) and even custody of our children for disclosing our sex worker status. This is not something that non-sex worker feminists need to face. The only reason a non-sex worker feminist has for not disclosing her status is that she wants to speak over those who actually have lived experience in sex work. A true feminist space must insist that everyone participating in a discussion about sex work identify as a non sex-worker upfront and allow actual sex workers to participate without their disclosing their status; the assumption being that unless one states that they are not a sex worker, they are. This allows us to participate while having our direct experience acknowledged without forcing us to actually out ourselves and risk having our whole lives ruined because of it.
Prioritize self-determination as the foundation for sex worker positive feminism
Whether you think that sex work is a beacon of light shining down and illuminating the world to the value of women’s time and work or whether you think it’s an evil misogyny under patriarchy, achieving your aim means nothing if it’s something you do to us, not with us. That means you have to check your own agenda and stop trying to make us fit into your world view. Do not appropriate our life experiences into your own brand of feminism. If you are forcing your own agenda on us, you are not listening to us and whether or not you think your heart is in the right place, you are implicitly saying that you know better about our own realities and experiences. This needs to stop. Non sex workers will never understand the nuances of sex work or our experiences, and we need to be seen for what we are; we are the experts.
Place privilege theory as a corner stone to understanding sex work
Privilege theory has done feminism a lot of good, no doubt, but for some reason when it comes time to import your understanding of privilege theory into your understanding of sex work, you completely drop the ball. The conversation around porn performers, for example, focuses exclusively on the white, cis, young, thin, able-bodied, conventionally attractive middle-class women with contracts from big companies. What you fail to acknowledge is that this group is a minority; the fact that only three porn actresses, all of whom tick every box listed here btw, have become celebrities from porn performing is a testament to that. Yet as it always does in feminist discourse, the discussion around ethnicity, gender, disability and the like are not only glossed over but they’re totally unacknowledged. There is this trend in feminism to smile and nod when issues surrounding privilege are brought up, yet nothing is ever done about it; it is a side note, a tactic of political correctness that allows the conversation to continue focusing on those people whom feminism actually considers important. You need to stop this shit. The majority of sex workers (and porn performers) do not tick all of these boxes. Moreover, if you won’t acknowledge the super triple dose of misogyny that trans* women sex workers face then leave your keys on the table and get out. Looking at you, radfems, side-eyeing the fuck out of you.
Things are always worse for the marginalized of any group, and despite what you saw on TV when Billie Piper strutted around hotel rooms on Secret Diary of a Call Girl or when Jenna Jameson appeared on Oprah showing off her car collection, most of us have an intersecting marginalized identity along with being a sex worker and things are much more difficult for us ( … and you won’t see us on TV). Which brings me to another vital point;
Stop holding up privileged sex workers as an example of superhappyfunsexysexwork!
Trust me, we watch more media about sex work than you do anyway. What you are seeing is not reality; it is the reality the media presents. I know this can be a big hurdle as a lot of sex workers don’t feel able to criticize or complain about their work. Meanwhile, keep in mind that some workers do experience their jobs as being overall pretty damn sweet, but this is true only for those who are privileged within society in general. And in case you weren’t aware, privilege within sex work (including porn performing) operates along the same axis as in society in general. These views that glamorize sex work are not representative, and you are silencing sex workers with additional marginalized identities when you treat them as such.
Acknowledge the pressure we are under to gloss over the troubles we face for the sake of legitimize our work
In any other industry, a worker can complain about their shitty boss, their conditions, their clientèle etc. Yet in the sex industry, we are trying so damn hard just to not be criminalized, we are pressured to present this crystal clean perfect image of what we do just to gain support from others. The truth is, even the most privileged workers, even the happiest, have bad days and we need to be able to discuss those issues without it being twisted into an anti-sex worker agenda (see #2).
Acknowledge how feminism actively pushes sex workers out of feminist spaces
A non-sex worker said to me the other day something feminists have been saying to women they’re trying to silence for years; but your analysis isn’t nuanced! (Insert whatever excuse to ignore our perspective you like, as there are many feminists like to use against us and this is but one example). Of course, this is actually code for; I don’t like what you’re saying so I’d rather shut you out of the conversation completely by getting an academic who has no experience with what you’re saying to word things in such a way that you can’t understand them while complicating the issue into a philosophical argument so we don’t need to address the real life shit you have to deal with on a daily basis. Feminism needs to stop being academic to the exclusion of everyone else, especially if you take privilege theory seriously and realize that those with intersecting identities may well have had less access to education than your privileged ass.
End good whore/bad whore dichotomy
There are only two kinds of whore in the media and in the minds of most feminists; the gorgeous rich glamazon and the beaten-down junkie whore. Hilariously, you can be both. You can also be neither. In fact, I’d say that most sex workers in the developed world fall along the axis somewhere in the middle and shift up and down depending on their circumstances. This binarist thinking is largely due to feminists appropriating sex worker’s experiences for their own selfish ends; the good whore supports the sex posi agenda and the bad whore supports the radfem agenda. If you would all just sit down and start listening, this binary bullshit would end.
Address the problems your community dishes out
If I had a dollar for every time a sex-positive feminist has argued with me about how xyz community (usually kink communities to be honest) is actually super great for women and then ignored me when I pointed out all the ways in which that community causes harm to sex workers, I wouldn’t need to work. When you say, Well I’m not a sex worker so I don’t know, but let’s talk about this other thing instead what you are really saying is I don’t actually give a damn about the problems you face, I want you on my side for my own agenda.
The very first thing that pops into your head when a sex worker has been mistreated within your community should be; what can I do to help fix this? And the fact that no one, not a single one of you has ever said this to me or anyone I know is further proof that you don’t actually care about us or how your community victimizes us.
Scootch over and make room
Sex workers, along with many other women with marginalized identities, have given up on feminism, having been ignored since the beginning of the movement. It is going to take some serious work to win us back. In the meantime, you need to encourage sex workers to engage and speak up in your feminist spaces – and make sure everyone around them is listening. If you are filling leadership positions, state that you would like to prioritize someone with experience in sex work for a space. You need to go beyond stating that you are sex worker positive and that your feminist space is as well and actively call out whorephobia and mistreatment of sex workers.
Collect your people
If you want your feminist space to be inclusive of sex workers, you need to go beyond a blind acknowledgement of the fact that oh yes, feminism has been a bit shitty to sex workers hasn’t it ho hum and actively work to make it an inclusive space. You need to call out your sisters when they fuck up on any of the above and stop allowing non-sex workers to steamroll sex workers simply for refusing to be co-opted to their politics. If a sex worker is being shouted down, you need to collect. If a sex worker is experiencing whorephobic abuse, you need to collect. If you fuck up yourself, you need to apologize and take stock.
Having received some feedback about this article (and srsly thanks so much everyone who read it, you make me so happy) I need to add a couple of things, largely because this was written for sex pos feminists I’ve dealt with as of late and didn’t address all the stuff anti-sex work feminists do.
Do not assume that because we are marginalized, we are engaging in survival sex work
Basically, just don’t assume anything, and remember that we should be able to complain about the aspects of sex work we don’t like without people telling us we should ‘just quit’, whether or not we’re doing it because we have to or because we want to. Marginalized workers often find that sex work offers freedom (particularly financial), self esteem, respect etc. that isn’t present in our lives. The fact that someone has an intersecting marginalized identity doesn’t automatically mean their experience is negative any more than a privileged woman automatically having a good experience. There are factors that can make things more difficult but this does not automatically equal a bad experience.
Do not think you should be trying to save us
This is demeaning, including to survival sex workers. Even those of us who engage in survival sex work (however you personally define this) have the right to self determination (see #2) and by trying to leap on and save us from the yucky sex industry, you are removing that.
Remember that sex workers are not a monolith
Do not try to ascribe life experiences, circumstances or any kind of universal experience to sex work, because it doesn’t exist. There are some things many of us share, but what is true for some of us isn’t going to be true for all of us.
Know that a lot of the horrible shit related to sex work is a direct result of discrimination and prejudice, not the work itself
Would we even be having this conversation were it not for public misconception about sex work? I doubt it. The fact that sex work can put us at risk of losing our children, being disowned by our families, being vulnerable to police harassment/violence, a lack of assistance from the legal system if we do experience harassment/violence etc. etc. are all because of people’s attitudes towards sex workers, not because of anything inherent in the work itself.
As a continuation of the importance of self determination, but as something that also needs to be stated in it’s own right; Respecting us means respecting our language.
First of all, the word Whorephobia has been used by sex workers to describe the discrimination we face for fifty years. Nitpicking at the use of the this word, which is usually along the lines of ‘but it’s not a phobia’ is a diversion tactic that takes the conversation away from the REAL issues we need to address (e.g. actual discrimination towards sex workers such as housing ability, custody of our children, access to medical care, police harassment, criminalization, etc). Also, you cannot use the word whore for any reason ever if you are not a sex worker yourself. The term sex worker exists so that we can be referred to in the context of our work (while keeping the emphasis on the fact that it IS work) without resorting to epithets. If you want to refer to someone who offers full service (actual sex as opposed to erotic massage, stripping etc.) then you can say just that; full service sex worker. You’re going to have to drop the word prostitute from your vocabulary completely as well. Prostitute is a word that has been used specifically to de-legitimize and criminalize sex work. Words like Ho also have a racialized aspect in addition to being offensive when used by non-sex workers.
source (reposting since apparently I haven’t posted this again since I deleted and remade my blog)
and non sex workers who don’t
- please reblog this cos these are slurs that non sex workers should not touch
- please tell your friends, and i know you have them i see who you reblog from, to change their fucking urls
Isn’t it ironic that the stereotype is that strippers are dumb when, if anything, we have to act dumb so as not to intimidate male customers?